Pendship

Why do I routinely start off these ramblings of mine with a question?

Look, there I go again!

They are the questions that I wouldn’t be asking myself without the aid of a pen.

Sometimes a pen can be my best friend.

A pen is the perfect crutch.

Rigid and stern enough to lean on when you’re low

Cold enough to stamper out a flame burdened soul

Strong enough to lift you up and out a pit of pity

Light enough to brighten your day when it’s getting worse than shitty

Soft enough to smoothen out the most wrinkled of your thoughts

Smart enough to remind of all the things that you’ve forgot

Powerful enough to change your life with only a few strokes

A pen can help you hold on, when you just want to let go

Small enough to pick your brain and bring out all your best

Dependable and devout, a pen never needs rest

Nimble enough to sew your broken pieces back to whole

The eyes give you a glance, but pens are the true windows to the soul

 

My summer job

Where dreams may lead.

Constrictive critism

You know the feeling,

Like you’ve been working up the courage to tell someone something important or heavy on your mind.Then when you rendezvous with that who, you find your tongue within a bind.

Well that constrictive feeling within your chest as you walk away Is how I feel about not writing.

My hesitation of writing stems somewhere between not being able to reach the heights of the bar I have imposed upon myself, and the absence of a full-fledged inspirational moment, (which are few and far between unless I think that I’m in love). I appreciate what I have written, and will always be my own worst critic.

Yet here I am.

With only a few sentences written about the burden possessed, it has been lifted and elation sets in.

As the pieces of this alphabetical puzzle find their way home, I myself, along with the written picture, become more and more complete.

The more I write, the more I figure out who I am

Joecrastination

Why do I make it out to be such a difficult task to write?

I mean, every time I think about writing I gather ideas until they pile up into a big tangled mental mass. Mass takes up space, and we all know that everything that takes up space carries weight. I always wait until its too late and Instead of picking through the bin, I let the scales tip and slide the mass of ideas and the cultivated culmination of my imagination into the ‘some other time’ bin, which is vast and full of cracks for the masses to hide in forever.

Cracks are good hiding places for masses of thought, especially when placed there on purpose. I myself have a few topics of thought that I’d rather stuff in cracks than pry out and try to tackle. They’re slippery thoughts, and tough to handle. Heavy as a thought can be. Official thought weight class = burden. These burdens I’ve chipped and chiseled at a bit, and with the help of others been strong enough to lift, but just for a bit, while I try to poke and prod and attempt to diagnose a cure. But in the end, no matter how much I pound, beat, and try to break them, they never fully disappear.

I’ve come to realize that these burdens have lives of their own. They live in the cracks in the back of my mind and feed on the denial of their existence. The longer I ignore, the stronger they become. In order to keep them in line I must call them out every now and then and nip them at the bud by remembering and accepting. That is the key, acceptance.

 

Woman tonight

Potential’s riding the horizon on another Friday night

As I prepare for the excitement and what just maybe might

Be the end of this, lonely rope, that’s had me tied down

I haven’t felt a woman’s warmth since the boat got back in town

so I rounded up the friends to the car “lets make this happen”

Unanimously voted in as designated captain.

 I tapped in the playlist, Slug will do the trick

And we headed to the beach where the pretty women live…

Ha

Arrived just in time

The last ones in before the bouncers started forming a line

I took it as a sign, I can feel it, it’s my time

The place is packed with potential for a woman tonight

But as their liquor went down

And the noise came up

And I was talking to some chick about some superficial stuff

I was struck with a thought that was sent from the heart

And it shed a new light as I looked throughout the bar

And in the twinkle of a star the picture perfectness had left

And the façade had slowly sank until it faded like a sunset

And what’s left was truth I could see through the mask

Its all just a show, your performing an act

So leave your heart on the rack, wear your game on your sleeve

Go audition for the role of someone’s company this eve

But deep down you know its just expanding the hole

By doing what you didn’t even know you’ve been told

By the DTF’s on the MTV’s

A quick fix but the bandaids come off so easily

And now I finally see that this scene just aint for me

Told the friends that I was leaving unapologetically

Got the keys to the car, started up and drove forward

Yeah I may have won the battle but I haven’t won the war for a

Woman Tonight…

 

 

 

 

Dude…

Dude, why can’t you just relax on this one?
Don’t make it more than it has to be. It is what it is.
Stop showing her your cards! You, of all people, know better.
Don’t get mad at her, your the one making all of these decisions.
Stop putting her on a pedestal. She’s only a witty one liner.
Have your fun and she’ll have hers.

Dude, your living the dream! Don’t wake up too soon!
She’s just your friend, don’t get ahead of your head.
Use her as your muse.
For your A-muse-ment.

I mean what, you going to wrap her in your arms and never let go?
Don’t think so.
Don’t know so.

Not giving up because I’ve never had it down.
That’s all you need to know.

Love? No.

Lust? yeah

Trust? not with my love.

Use to going with the flow, and there I shall remain.

Breakaway

Well the crush is fertilized and the stage has been set

But wait what’s the rush

I’m not ready for this yet

Dark skin, dark eyes, dark hair, dark nature

I’m trapped in her net and now I’m trying to escape her

I don’t know where she got all this power over me

She must have siphoned out out when I was dreaming in my sleep

She’s trouble and I know it but I keep on coming back

My emotions are at war and my hearts under attack

I’ve called in reinforcements but they haven’t yet arrived

I just met this girl last weekend why’s she always on my mind

I’m goin in blind

Just like last time

And the outcome of that was far from fine

GOTTA MAKE MY ESCAPE

Create some wake

Get away from this one before it’s too late

GOTTA MAKE MY ESCAPE

Without haste

Get away from this woman before she makes my heart break

GOTTA MAKE MY ESCAPE

For my own sake

Pursuing this girl will be a terrible mistake

GOTTA MAKE MY ESCAPE

It’s no longer a debate

I gotta get to higher ground before the tidal wave breaks

And BREAKAWAY

From the place I was chained

It’s a fact I was trapped and could not turn the page

My soul was in a vice

My mind was in a cage

My body was a zombie enslaved by the pain

How’d I sink so quick so fast so deep

By the weight of my regrets and promises I couldn’t keep

Couldn’t eat couldn’t sleep couldn’t fuck couldn’t live

Couldn’t breathe couldn’t see only take, never give

When again in my life will I ever feel right

I’m broken and i’m broke and I have given up the fight

So I threw in the towel but chance threw the towel back

And in the wall of misery all of a sudden was a crack

So I kicked punched chiseled scraped clawed at the wall

Till a hole opened up and out I crawled

AND I MADE MY ESCAPE

Threw up a hell of a wake

I hit the ground running full throttle no brakes

AND I MADE MY ESCAPE

Without haste

Cut the baggage of the past before I drowned from the weight

AND I MADE MY ESCAPE

For my own sake

Slayed the dragon that I chased before it bit me in the face

AND I MADE MY ESCAPE

It’s no longer a joke

I just got to higher ground before the tidal wave broke

And I hope I can stay

Because the questions are raised

Like what where why who am I anyways

Used to going with the flow but now the tide has gone slack

And I want to go forward but I keep looking back

Mind was trapped in a net of regret and remorse

And it tangled up my thoughts until it threw me off course

Til I tugged on the lines of the net til they snapped

And I knocked down the odds that against me were stacked

And I cashed in my prize as I opened my eyes

Found my life found my pride found my sight found my ride to

Make my escape

Life is great

And you can do it too it’s not too late

YOU CAN MAKE YOUR ESCAPE

Create some wake

Put your best foot forward stop standing in place

YOU CAN MAKE YOUR ESCAPE

Without haste

There’s no better time than now to give some change a little taste

YOU CAN MAKE YOUR ESCAPE

For your own sake

You can do it I’m proof just have a little faith

YOU CAN MAKE YOUR ESCAPE

It’s no longer a debate

Ride the tidal wave away and see that life could be great!

 

 

 

 

First things next

I’ve decided to take a different avenue with my here blog than I initially intended to. Instead of merely posting pre written poems and venting my frustrations of chasing miss not-so-right, I’m going to tell you a little about my daily life in the present, past, and hope to be form.

We’ll start with this. Call me Joefish. I am a fisherman. Love it and live it everyday. As of right now I’m composing this piece of written material in the crew quarters on a 100′ private yacht that I live and work on in San Jose del Cabo, Baja California sur. I am living my dream. In approximately ten days I’m embarking on a journey north to Alaska to be employed on no other that the Northwestern. Yes, that Northwestern, the one from the Deadliest Catch.

Needless to say that the last couple of years of my life have been riddled with sporadic great events such as this which really blow my mind. How have I been given these great opportunities? When It comes knocking you answer. No matter what, you cannot be afraid to change. That’s all for tonight folks, ADD is kicking in. Pass me the peanuts please.

You lie like a rug

I would like to find another you, minus the negative attributes. Actually, drop the s, because it’s only that one character flaw that plagues the rest of you and intrigues my disgust so deeply that I just can’t look away. 

The opposite of honest

The other end of truth

I can’t stand by what you say

Because you Lie.

You lie about the smallest things, the things you fear the most

You lie about your misgivings, your writers block and poems.

You lie about who your with, and to them when your there

And worst of all

You smiled and said, fuck truth, I always dare.

Well I dare you to tell the truth.

I challenged you to tell me how you really feel about me

And when you said you couldn’t, and wouldn’t speak the words

I knew it was a lie, and you just didn’t want me to hurt.

I almost want to thank you, but that would be a lie.

I’m still a bit bitter that you chose the other guy.